Friday, 22 September 2017

It really is a delicate dependency

Back when I was a teenager, I had this huge crush on a certain blonde haired, blue eyed gothic cutie. I think the attraction stemmed from the fact that he was one of the only goths I knew at that time that kept his natural hair color. He slightly resembled the vampire Lestat, or so I thought anyways. Nothing really came of my crush but he did make a pretty awesome friend. I remember sleeping over at a friend's place after a full night of hardcore partying and he played the "Music for Vampires, A Delicate Dependency" compilation CD for us to unwind from the night. I was completely smitten with the album as much as I was with him! Remember folks, back then, when I was a teenager in the nineties, we had to work to discover new Goth bands and compilation CDs were a great way to get introduced to new music!

While my crush faded away, my affections for the compilation album never wavered. In fact, it was my go-to compilation CD after a night of clubbing. Remember I am from the era of mix tapes and CDs, we had no MP3 (or Youtube or Spotify) play lists back then!

The compilation itself doesn't have many songs, perhaps it isn't the best of gothic compilations I ever listened to over the years but it is something that I personally find relaxing and allows me to revisit my youth. I remember all the good times I had going out with my fellow creatures of the night; How we would parade around in fishnet stockings in the middle of the winter or how we would wear velvet in the middle of a summer heat wave.

Listening to that album brings me back to a time where life was simple. I used to listen to this when I was a student and studying for upcoming tests. I had jobs where I could wear what I wanted and not had to worry about toning it down. I sometimes look back at that little blonde haired cutie who used to tie his hair in a ponytail with a black ribbon and wonder what happened to him after all these years.

I remember the opera piece freaking out my father. Is my daughter listening to opera, what?

The Schubert piece always got blared in my room, much to my father's delight as he loved Classical music. Little did he know; this piece was played in the movie "The Hunger" which starred David Bowie. That movie also has that famous opening scene with Peter Murphy performing "Bela Lugosi's Dead" I did honestly like Classical musical but like most teenagers, it wasn't my first choice of music to listen to.

I accidentally left my Discman (again, before Smartphones, I Pods, or even MP3 players) on the train with this CD inside. I never bothered re-purchasing it either, I wonder why. I guess it never really occurred to me but it is still a compilation that is held so close to my heart today because it introduced me to The Cocteau Twins!

So, if anyone out there was a baby bat in the nineties with me, I wonder if this compilation will bring back memories for you too just like it does for me.

P.S. I have most of these songs already (now in MP3 format) but I did re-purchase this CD again, by the way. Just for nostalgia!

And I found the entire compilation here on Youtube!You're welcome!

Wednesday, 20 September 2017

Monthly MusicSpotlight: Foghorn Lonesome

Image taken from Foghorn Lonesome's FB page
Considering Foghorn Lonesome is a fairly new band that has only been around for the past 6 years, unfortunately, I do not have much info to give you on them. According to their Facebook page, Foghorn Lonesome was founded by Eric Sparkwood in 2011 and is from Sweden (I swear, the Swedes and Germans make some bad-ass Darkwave!) I strongly suggest you give this band a listen. I was very impressed by the sound and later, the lyrics. I generally listen to the music first then focus on the lyrics the second time around.

I like to write about bands that have a connection or some sort of silly story with me. Since I very recently, got into this band, the reason why  I chose to feature them for my Monthly Music Spotlight was because their song "Watership Down" is source of comfort to me because I have not been feeling very well these past few days.This band is helping me through a very rough period and I am very grateful for their music. In addition, since this is a new band, by featuring them here on this blog, my goal is to help them build an audience.I think this is a great way for me to support the Goth community, especially musicians who help keep the subculture alive. I really hope you enjoy!

Monday, 18 September 2017

Walking in my boots

"...Now I'm not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things i do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
You'll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments i kept
If you try walking in my shoes..." - Depeche Mode

This post was pulled from my previous blog that is no longer active. It is very relevant today. Especially with what I am going through with my anxiety issues. I have edited the article to reflect the present day.

When I came back to Goth several years ago, I lost many friends for various reasons. Now that I am dealing with mental health issues, I am doing some spring cleaning with some friendships. Funny enough, ALL my Goth friends have been super supportive, understanding and nice.It is the more conservative people that I heard some rumblings from.

I am going to rehash about losing my best friend. You see, we became really close during my "normal" phase and I am uncertain whether or not she knew that I was Goth beforehand. She knew I was a bit eccentric but I had a lot in common with her. We liked fashion and makeup. We were best friends for about 2 years until I pretty much ditched her.

You see, my life took off in so many wonderful ways. I had a lot of positive things going for me. I was coming back to Goth and I knew she wouldn't accept it.

In fact, I still remember the last time I saw her. I was in full Goth attire. I had randomly bumped into her. She had no advance warning. All she could do was stare at me in utter shock and disbelief. The only thing she could do was ask me over and over again if I was depressed and comment on my purple hair. I was very blonde the last time she saw me. It was really awkward. My husband noticed the tension between us and commented later on in private that he could have cut the tension with a butter knife.

I think it was not long after that awkward encounter she unfriended me from Facebook. In fact, I believe it took me several months to even realize she unfriended me! I wasn't surprised because some mutual friends commented that she thought I was too weird for her and she didn't want to associate with people like me.

This taught me a valuable lesson recently. You see, in a lot of ways, now that I am going through this anxiety bullshit, I KNOW I am being judged by the more conservative, ignorant people just like when I was judged for coming back to Goth. This doesn't bother me. What made me realize, and to some extend, bothers me is the fact that I can be so quick to label people myself without knowing their full story. I am doing the same thing that was done to me!  I realized that there is so much stigma associated with mental illness it made me take a step back and think what invisible demons these people fighting that I don't know about? While I stand true to myself and will always have little respect towards people who are intolerant assholes (it is hard to feel sorry for people who judge others), it has made me aware that so many people are probably in my shoes right now and I would probably never know about it. In the past, I never understood why or how someone would let themselves get this far (the severity of the anxiety where they need to be on sick-leave from work) and now I do. You really don't know their story.


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