Wednesday, 11 October 2017

Remembering my Dad

For those of you who followed me here from my old blog, would probably remember reading some posts I wrote about my dad. I was very close with him growing up. He was my rock and the person I always went to for comfort. When he passed away, I was still quite young myself and to this day, there are times I am still angry at him for not taking better care of his health, for dying so young and leaving me to fend for myself. I still mourn his passing and the past couple of days,with what is going on in my personal life, these are the times I miss him the most. His birthday was very recent as well as the date he passed away is around the corner. I love October, I love Halloween but October is a doubled-edged sword for me. It is reminders of what was left behind. It is like a smack across the face whenever I see those dates on a calendar since these dates are reminders that he is gone. It is a reminder of what I lost. I feel abandoned.

I am sincerely grateful for my family and friends who are here to support me, I am so lucky to have such amazing, positive people in my life and I do love them all dearly but I still miss my dad. I miss his comfort, where ironically enough, most people would probably think he wasn't very good at the whole comforting process! It is a good thing, I am not like most people. He was the more logical one between the both of us but I knew I can always sit down with him for a good cup of tea (he was part Brit, he thought tea was the answer to everything!) and his presence was comforting. I think he was comforting because I don't like to be coddled while I am having an emotional breakdown and he didn't do that, he just listened. He didn't get upset, he didn't try to hug me, or to tell me to calm down. In fact, he didn't show any emotion. He was stoic. He let me talk and made me tea. By doing so, he was able to get me to "come down" and look at the situation in a more logical, rational manner.

I inherited a lot from my dad. I learned to remain calm in the face of crisis and pull out my inner Spock when needed. Through him,  I learned to question the norm and not follow the herd. He also made Halloween fun every year! He got me into music (albeit Musicals and classical music) and he always encouraged me to try new things. In many ways, it is thanks to him that I became Goth. My dad was never really into my music (although there were a few songs from The Cure he complimented on) and never in a million years he would have called himself a Goth but he got me into other aspects of the subculture. My dad often walked around wearing one of his many fedoras, a long black leather trench coat, and sometimes a cane. He told me he didn't really need the cane but he thought it looked cool. I later "borrowed on a permanent basis" that trench coat and wore it until it fell apart. He liked vampires and we often talked about folklore or myths surrounding them. In fact, my dad introduced me to Bela Lugosi! When I told him I used to like going to cemeteries for the sake of going there, he never found it odd like some family members did but asked if he could join me for a stroll!

Part of me wanted to keep this blog less personal and more fashion/lifestyle related but I felt like I had to honor one of the most influential people in my life. I do like to write about being Goth and what being part of this subculture means to me (be it music, fashion, literature,silly stories from my younger years, etc) but my dad was up there too. In a way, he was sort of a gateway into me finding Goth as a teenager! Nonetheless, his memory deserves the mention so thanks dad, for everything. I completed my Padawan training and now it is my time to pass down what you taught me to my apprentice.Thanks for the lovely memories, especially the ones where you helped me scare the shit out of the neighborhood kids on Halloween!




3 comments:

  1. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man and I'm both sorry that you lost him so young and happy that you got to have him for your dad. (*hug*)

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  2. He sounds like a good guy and a great Dad! Anniversary dates relating to departed loved ones are always tough yet kind of bittersweet too, aren't they.

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  3. He sounds like an amazing man! I’m sorry he isn’t around anymore

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